Santa’s list of naughty preachers
The list you DON’T want to be on!
Please don’t make the baby Jesus cry by being one of these preachers. Santa may just have a lump of coal with your name written all over it!
1. The Shamer
We all have that relative or friend that likes to shame us for not calling them, EVERY TIME WE CALL THEM! It never makes you want to call more often. In fact, it usually does quite the opposite. Christmas and Easter are two times when we see lots of folks that we never see any other time of the year. DO NOT be tempted to point this out to them. Not even as a passing joke. Nobody wants to be shamed for not going to church, especially while they are sitting in church. It doesn’t matter if the only reason they are there is because grandma wanted to come, or they just wanted to hear the music, or see dress their kids up in cute outfits. None of that matters. We never know how God may be working on someone or how the spirit may touch them during the service. We never know what seeds we may be planting. We also don’t know who may be despairing inside and needs to hear a message of hope or feel a sense of connection. Just welcome people and love them. Don’t make a big deal out of the fact that you haven’t seen them in a year. Don’t mention it at all. Yes, as a clergy person it can be very frustrating and disheartening for people to only darken your door twice a year, but shaming people for not coming will never make them want to visit you more.
2. The Experimenter
Do not bring a dish of experimental sweet potatoes to Christmas dinner! Use the recipe your grandma gave you. There is a time and a place for trying new things, but Christmas probably isn’t it. Now is not the time to introduce some novelty or gimmick to your Christmas sermon. Considering using props? Leave the toys under the tree. Want to do something responsive with the congregation? My response is: NO! Doing something interactive with children is one thing, but when it comes to what is being offered to the adults in your congregation, I’m willing to bet that most folks aren’t coming to church on Christmas looking for something entertaining or unique. You don’t need to be a clown, or a comedian, or a singer, or a poet. You don’t need to do something original or try to come up with some new take on the gospel story. The fact that my local hardware store sells inflatable nativity scenes is evidence that the world hasn’t grown completely bored with the story of Jesus yet, so we don’t need to treat it like it is a tired old tale.
3. The Heretic
The Heretic is often seen walking hand-in-hand with the Experimenter. Maybe it is a shared desire to appear edgy or cool. The Heretic fancies him or herself to be insightful or innovative. Their new interpretation of the story of Jesus will be just the key that will make the gospel acceptable and interesting to a world that no longer believes in magic. But the joke is almost always on them. Scratch the surface of any new interpretation of the gospel and you are likely to find a very old heresy. Preachers who try to make the story of Jesus more edgy, usually end up make the story quite tame…and boring. What could be more yawn-inducing than a preacher trying to imply that Mary wasn’t a virgin or that people in the ancient world didn’t understand where babies come from? People have been trying to explain AND EXPLAIN-AWAY the Incarnation for over 2,000 years. It is highly unlikely that your original insight is going to be either original or insightful.
4. The Know-it-all
Spare me your Greek, your Hebrew, your Latin and your ten-dollar words. It is entirely possible, necessary even, to make the gospel story intelligible to the average person in your congregation WITHOUT dumbing it down. Preachers who feel the need to constantly prop themselves up on fancy words and who try to dangle their seminary education in front of others in order to be admired, seldom appear more intelligent for doing so. The same is true for preachers who revel in trying to deconstruct the nativity story. You think you know better than the early Church about when Jesus was born and where? You think that most of our Christmas traditions were simply stolen from pagans? Well, your popular theories may very well be built on less evidence than the gospel itself. In any event, discussions that may be perfectly good for an in-depth bible study, may be wholly inappropriate for a Christmas Eve sermon. Know the difference. And remember that Know-it-alls are frequently toppled from their towers and proven to be the Know-not-quite-alls that they actually are, so it is best to approach the pulpit with a great deal of humility.
5. The Scrooge
Some clergy just insist on peeing on anything that is popular. Hymns, songs, traditions, you name it, if it brings joy to enough people some jerk is going to stand up in the pulpit and denounce it. Mary did you know? Ornaments with Santa kneeling in front of the manger. Mariah Carey. Christmas is always going to be a mix of things that we love and things that we find annoying, but the sermon is not the time to go trotting out your negative opinions about everything. Some people are never happier than when they are stealing someone else’s joy or poo-pooing something that is popular. Just stop it. I’m not saying that the church needs to embrace every secular tradition or every popular religious tradition, far from it. But don’t be a joy-stealer in the pulpit.
The fact is, I think that The Scrooge is what all naughty preachers become in the end: the person who just doesn’t see, or doesn’t want to see, the joy and the wonder that is right in front of them; the person who tries to steal joy from others. The gospel story, as it is, is a reason for joy and wonder. I don’t need someone to give me reasons to doubt it; the world has given me plenty of those already. I need someone to give me permission to believe. I need a preacher to direct me to the magic and the joy and the wonder and the hope that is already and always present in the story of Jesus. I don’t go to church looking for something new; I go to church looking for something that is timeless. The gospel is timeless. So avoid Santa’s naughty this year and just tell people the miraculous and mysterious story about God being born as one of us. Don’t shame or lecture the guests that God sends to your door, for whatever reason that brought them there. It is no sin, when people come to you looking for comfort, to serve them comfort food. You don’t need to be original or creative, you just need to love the story yourself and still see the magic in it.
Keep it simple, keep it joyful, and keep it miraculous. You may just give one of your best sermons and avoid a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking.
